Saturday, April 16, 2005

Rooter: A Methodology for the Typical Unification of Access Points and Redundancy

This is a paper accepted for submission to the World Multiconference on Systemics, Cybernetics and Informatics to be held July 10-13 in Orlando, Florida. It was produced by a computer program written by two MIT graduate students. The program writes gibberish. Here's a selection:

Many physicists would agree that, had it not been for congestion control, the evaluation of web browsers might never have occurred. In fact, few hackers worldwide would disagree with the essential unification of voice-over-IP and public-private key pair. In order to solve this riddle, we confirm that SMPs can be made stochastic, cacheable, and interposable...

One must understand our network configuration to grasp the genesis of our results. We ran a deployment on the NSA’s planetary-scale overlay network to disprove the mutually largescale behavior of exhaustive archetypes. First, we halved the effective optical drive space of our mobile telephones to better understand the median latency of our desktop machines. This step flies in the face of conventional wisdom, but is instrumental to our results. We halved the signal-to-noise ratio of our mobile telephones. We tripled the tape drive speed of DARPA’s 1000-node testbed. Further, we tripled the RAM space of our embedded testbed to prove the collectively secure behavior of lazily saturated, topologically noisy modalities. Similarly, we doubled the optical drive speed of our scalable cluster. Lastly, Japanese experts halved the effective hard disk throughput of Intel’'s mobile telephones.

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